Arkashean Q&A Session -- 059
OLIVIA: Yea, I was just thinking, I don't always think in a webbed way of thinking, or an intertwined way of thinking. It's only after something happens or something is said, that I think, Oh yea, it's all interconnected. Yet, much of the time, I'm singling out one instance, one individual, one law, anything, and putting it by itself.
THERRY: Yes, but that is getting less. You're growing, you're learning, you're changing. You have to understand that growth is nothing more than readjusting the limits that you already have. Some limits you place on a sliding scale, and, hence, the situation controls where the limits are placed. Others are so sturdy that they never change regardless of what situation that you're in. So that too, is a continuum. Obviously, your Maat, those limits are rock-solid, and should never change, except via the update of Automatic Pilot. But other limits have to be so flexible that they can change any time, without, of course, creating the Martian Syndrome. So, your seeming stability in life, or within your illusion is again tied to that continuum of limits.
OLIVIA: I was talking about last week when you said I was not dealing with alter-realities right now, and I immediately thought it was negative, and you said no, it's not necessarily negative, it's part of the growth, uh, well, anyway, I'll get into what I was talking about regarding meditation. I think I have to think about the duality being in all things with myself more. For instance....
THERRY: See, a couple of weeks ago, you were pretty busy in your alter-reality situations...
OLIVIA: Well, I guess so. Now, this past week, things have been feeling sort of mundane, lets put it that way, and I would be out in the world and I would do the prayer you said, and I would take that time aside, I would meditate at home, it didn't feel the same.
THERRY: Yea, but go back further, when you were going_
OLIVIA: Well, prior to this last week, the week before, two weeks before that, I felt like I was, you know, directly connected to the Universe, almost all the time. And, I would meditate, and I would feel, ah, it was so incredible; it had me weeping all the time.
THERRY: So, you were heavy in your alter-realities there. You have to bear in mind that everything runs in cycles.
OLIVIA: You know what happened last night was I was meditating and I was saying to myself, I don't want to make empty gestures, and I don't want to get my demanding part of myself coming into play, and I don't want to use my impatience as I usually do to start saying, why isn't this happening, or why isn't that happening? because, as you've said, it's all in cycles, and with one will come another; just wait it out.
OLIVIA: So, last night I did that, and....
THERRY: Remember, it goes back to that law, specifically, the one about if you're possessed by, or you possess, or whatever?
OLIVIA: Oh, If you're possessed by nothing....
THERRY: Yea, isn't that the law you're dealing with now?
OLIVIA: I guess that would be it. What happened was, when I said these things in my mind last night, I was having a conversation, and I was saying, basically, what I'm doing incorrectly, I want to stop. I was saying, I would like to have such and such experience, and I would like to have this experience too, but then I said, wait a minute. And I thought of the phrase, Thy Will be Done. It's not up to me.
THERRY: Right, another way of saying that is can you serve more than one master.
OLIVIA: Well, after I had these thoughts, I got that feeling again, that rush, and it was very beautiful, and I said, oh, I think I did the right thing. And that meant a lot to me, and it feels like it's all tied in with my impatience.
THERRY: Uh-huh, cause that's your prime war, impatience. You want something, and you want it now. A lot of times you want it, and you don't realize that in order to get it, you have to do some work, but you're not willing to do the work. You want credit.
OLIVIA: I think the Universe knows more than me, and when it's time for me to have certain experiences, it will happen, regardless of how much I want them now, and things like that. See, I don't know how much I should intervene, as far as saying, if I think about it strongly, maybe this will happen.
THERRY: Do you know the difference between being assertive, and being aggressive?
OLIVIA: Well, I, probably not.
THERRY: What do you think it is?
OLIVIA: Well, aggressive, to me, implies certain negative aspects in an individual; a pushy person. Assertive, to me, is someone who is direct, who knows what he wants, and goes out and gets it, without forcing.
THERRY: That's the key, without forcing. When you do things, and you begin using force, you cease to be assertive, and you begin being aggressive. That's the key when you're working with alter-realities. You must always be assertive in that you must always do that which is required by the situation, and that which is required by the recipe for what it is that you want, but you must never, never be aggressive. You cannot storm the gates of heaven.
OLIVIA: I'm not sure if there are times when I not only move away from being aggressive, yet I also move away from being assertive, and I'm just passive.
THERRY: That too is part of the continuum. Remember, it's cyclic, and if you want to look at it, draw a sign wave, and those will be the cycles. There will be high points, there will be neutral points, and there will be down points. But in all cases, if you become aggressive, rather than assertive, all you do is go to war.
OLIVIA: And that prevents you from going anywhere.
THERRY: Well, not anywhere. It allows you to go into a game. Which you can have a lot of fun with that type of pain, if that's your bag.
OLIVIA: Remember when you said you must become fanatical in_
THERRY: In your love, only in your love.
OLIVIA: Oh, I thought I had to become fanatical in my thinking about lucid dreaming. I had to think about it every minute of the day, and I just don't do it.
THERRY: That's absurd. Nobody can do that. In short, your love for the Universe must be unconditional. That doesn't mean that every single moment of every single minute of every single year of every single whole lifetime, all you think about is the love of the Universe, that's absurd. Life is for the living, not to sit there and worry.
OLIVIA: Cause I go through cycles with, when I say I would like to have such and such experience, or I think, say, well, maybe I should try this in order to have this happen. Then I don't think about it for days and days, and then I think about it again. And I thought, well, maybe I'm not doing it right. But you're saying that that's acceptable, because that's part of the cyclic nature in man.
THERRY: Yup, remember, your tendency to be impatient is that part of the cycle where you begin the process of forcing things. You go to war. You can't steal from the store, the Universal store. If you're going to buy something there, you're going to have to pay the price. Which means, you're going to have to follow the recipe
If you want to get whatever it is you want. Hence, it becomes more important, if you hope to succeed, learn the laws of the illusions. Obviously you wouldn't tell a family member or a friend to go bake a chocolate cake if you knew they didn't have the recipe, right. Have the same care for yourself.
OLIVIA: There are times when I feel incredible connection and love for the Universe, and other times when I feel, ugh...
THERRY: Isn't that part of the cycles?
THERRY: Even though you have to admit, however, during the times that are seemingly neutral, you still have this deep unusual contentment.
OLIVIA: Oh, yea.
THERRY: Such that you're never never alone,
OLIVIA: Oh, yea.
THERRY: You're never lonely; you're never in a state where something is missing.
OLIVIA: You know, the other day when I was out having breakfast with Wayne and Mel, and she was saying something about how she doesn't understand how a person could live without touching another, and she said she didn't mean just sex, but she meant cuddling, and affection. I didn't say anything, because I didn't feel it was my place, but what immediately crossed my mind was I am so much closer to people here, and I feel enveloped in a closeness and love here than I never remember feeling in the outside world when I had boyfriends and sex all the time, and stuff like that. Well, not all the time, but whenever I had it, there was always an emptiness that has been completely filled here without ever having to have any kind of close physical contact.
OLIVIA: In fact, it is, to me, totally unnecessary.
THERRY: Right. That's because here you get love, unconditionally.
OLIVIA: Right. Sometimes I'll see you and Tim holding hands, and I'll think, gee, I wish he'd hold my hand (laughing).
THERRY: We hold your hand too.
OLIVIA: I know, but that's just me being a little girl, or something, and that comes and goes.
THERRY: It's a case of when you greet people, you greet according to acceptable physical behavior. You keep the physical at a bare, bare minimum. For instance, you never see anybody, at least not the males, you never see males sitting there hugging one another. That's just unacceptable.
OLIVIA: Well, Wayne and Jim do sometimes.
THERRY: No, they'll sit close and ...
OLIVIA: In the kitchen they'll hug one another.
THERRY: In greetings, and stuff like that, yea, they'll do that. But we all greet that way. The point is, there is a very acceptable band of physical closeness. But there is also a limit, a line that just must never be crossed, because once you cross that line, sexuality comes into it, and that's just not appropriate.
OLIVIA: I know, we've talked about that. And even if you, the individual do not feel the sexuality, you could be bringing it on in somebody else.
OLIVIA: I mean, not to say, though, that as a woman in the midst of a lot of men, if there's some guy that has a problem with his hard-on, I don't have to cover myself from head to toe to help him out.
THERRY: That's correct.
OLIVIA: I mean, he's got to deal with his own problem. At the same time, though, I don't need to bring on unnecessary difficulty for that individual.
THERRY: Doesn't that go into communications, again? Isn't that implying that law?
OLIVIA: It's not important what goes on in your mind; it's what goes on in the other person's mind that counts.
OLIVIA: Because you could say, hey we can just roll around on top of each other, it won't bother me! But the other person might be sweating bullets.
THERRY: Right. So, again it goes back also, into the purpose for the communication. Therefore, when you are communicating, you are responsible for that which is not being said.
OLIVIA: Right. Okay, so I guess everything else is good. I had one more situation I wanted to bring up, and it had to do with last week when I was meditating, and I guess you could tell me if it was valid or not. It was, uh, I saw this Indian man, and I wondered if he was the same person... can I talk?
THERRY: Yea, what I was just thinking is that I find it amusing that you're so fascinated with the magic that is taught here, such that you're fascinated in continuously wanting these alter-realities, and all of this other stuff that goes on here, and one of the things is that for the past week or so you've been whimpering saying that, gee I must be doing something wrong, because nothing is happening, and here we're talking about little spurts of_
OLIVIA: Well, yea, it's just not in my sleep.
THERRY: Yea, yea, yea.
OLIVIA: I think this guy was valid. I don't know if he was the same person that I saw when I was lying here on the bed and I just briefly saw a man who's throat was cut, and he was an American Indian, because we didn't talk about that. This guy was a young man. Basically what I was seeing in my mind, and it wasn't all that clear, him, with a woman, I believe she was older than him, but I believe she was his wife, his whatever, and he was screwing her, and, was this valid?
THERRY: Why ask me if it was valid? It was your experience. What are you being taught here?
OLIVIA: I'm being taught lots of things.
THERRY: Okay, but aren't you being taught the laws of realities, and how they apply?
THERRY: Aren't you being taught that just because various phenomenon exists, you can always tell when you're just mind-games yourself as opposed to when you're having an alter-reality experience? Aren't you also being taught the differences between simply letting your mind run away with yourself as opposed to opening up a window into, for lack of a better word, let's just say, opening up a magic window?
OLIVIA: Right, and I don't think this is something I would have just conjured up in my mind.
THERRY: Well, during the actual phenomenon, did you bother to apply the laws of testing to find out if you're mind-games, or if it's real?
OLIVIA: No, I don't know what to do.
THERRY: Well, how can you tell if anything you're being taught is real or not? Why couldn't it just be a figment of your imagination?
OLIVIA: I usually check with you.
THERRY: No you don't.
OLIVIA: I come to you afterwards, and say, was that valid?
THERRY: That's not true. Because by the claim to uniqueness, there is no way I can tell you if what you saw was true or not true. All I can you, according to the laws of realities, if they fit the pattern of those realities.
OLIVIA: All right. Well, I don't know what I should do to know if it's uh,
THERRY: Well, when you sit and you're just thinking_
OLIVIA: Oh, when I'm in a meditative state, I wouldn't just be -- well, sometimes things come to mind, but, no, they don't just randomly come, they usually have an order to them_
THERRY: But, even if they do, don't you know the difference between when you're thinking, versus when you're meditating, versus when you're feeling, versus when you're not?
THERRY: Don't you know the difference when you're in a dream versus when you're awake? Or when you're lucid dreaming, as opposed to when you're not? In short, don't you apply the laws of testing for validity?
OLIVIA: Well, I don't know, I haven't had those many experiences, so I don't really know.
THERRY: What has that got_
OLIVIA: I don't know to know the difference, because I haven't_
THERRY: Does that change the fact that you, within the experience, know the degree to which it is seemingly real to you versus when it's just you thinking?
OLIVIA: I just go on my feeling. On whether it feels right or not.
THERRY: Okay, you're sitting here and you're looking at me.
THERRY: Don't you automatically; are you not automatically aware of the whole syndrome of this phenomenon? And when you go back into an alter-reality like you're talking about, don't you do that same testing? (Long silence) In short, how can you tell me...you say you saw this vision, this Indian thing, how can you tell me that you saw this? Why can't it be a figment of your imagination?
OLIVIA: That I just imagined it?
THERRY: Yea, in short, what makes you think that it isn't just a thought?
OLIVIA: Because I was seeing a pattern in a person, and it seemed like I was being shown something.
THERRY: Were you seeing, or were you thinking? Were you actually experiencing, or_
OLIVIA: No, I was actually feeling some of the things that were going on, even though I wasn't seeing multi-color, I was just seeing something in my head.
THERRY: The point is were you experiencing it in a true reality, or is it just remembering things, or is it just thinking things?
OLIVIA: I feel like it was a --
THERRY: Were you in an illusion, or were you in a thought?
OLIVIA: I think I was in an illusion of some kind, I guess. I don't know.
THERRY: You're making it almost impossible for anybody to help you understand if you yourself consistently confuse your own experiences. If you don't the difference between thinking, feeling, seeing, sensing, then how can you know anything in any reality?
OLIVIA: I've never had any guidelines to sit down with this type of thing and_
THERRY: It doesn't take a very brilliant person to know the difference between pinching themselves, as opposed to imagining what it would be like to pinch themselves. I mean, those two are so different in experience, it doesn't take a very brilliant person to sit there and think of chopping a tree down, versus standing there and before your eyes seeing a actual picture of somebody chopping a tree down. The phenomenon is totally different.
OLIVIA: Right, okay.
THERRY: Those are the tests for reality. If you don't, by yourself, know the differences between your own perceptions, how the hell can you know anything? Much less, how much can you learn? Because haven't we been trying to teach you that you have to know the laws of your own reality first?
THERRY: So, obviously, before you can go much further in terms of your alter-realities, before you can achieve what it is that you are looking for, you have to be able to make certain degrees of validity within your own experiences. Like now, you're sitting here talking to me, right? Maybe tomorrow you're going to turn around and say, no that didn't happen, it was just a figment of my imagination. How can you prove otherwise, if you don't even know what it is that you've done? If I sit here and tell you no, you're mind-games, does that mean you're mind-games? How are you going to know, if you don't even know your own experiences? Obviously, you have to know the different degrees of validity or clarity, and the differences of how information is gained by you.
For instance, if I reach over and I tap you on the knee, is that a different set of experiences versus you picturing me tapping you on the knee?
OLIVIA: That's very different.
THERRY: How can you tell if you don't know the differences?
OLIVIA: There's different feelings. There's a whole different interaction that takes place.
THERRY: So, therefore, there is test procedures, isn't there. What the hell good is having test procedures, if you don't obey the laws? If you mix everything together, and don't know the difference between how, what, when, where, how can you make validity, or grow, or much less travel in any area if you don't know what it is you're doing? If you yourself don't experience those differences, and catalog them as such, and use them as reference points to understand various phenomenon, how can you be expected to travel? As a matter of fact, without those test procedures, how can you tell the difference between something happening in a dream as opposed to something that happened yesterday while you were walking down the street?
OLIVIA: I guess it's a feeling that I don't always trust what I'm thinking, or what comes to me.
THERRY: What has trust got to do with you testing the situation and finding out if you are simply thinking it, or if you are experiencing it?
OLIVIA: Well, when it's happening, I'm not thinking about anything, I'm just looking at it, or seeing it.
THERRY: But how do you know that this is real? How do you know that when those things happen, that it is in fact happening? How do you know that during those experiences, all you're doing is letting your imagination run away with you? How can you tell the difference?
OLIVIA: I have a problem, then, because I can't always tell.
THERRY: There is a way of telling. How can you tell if you're talking to me or if you're just dreaming that you're talking to me? Do you know the difference?
OLIVIA: Well, I can say, I'm talking to you_
THERRY: But how do you know that?
OLIVIA: I don't! I don't know how you_
THERRY: In other words, you don't know the difference between_
OLIVIA: Well, I know one's in a dream, and one's here, but_
THERRY: How can you know?
OLIVIA: I don't know! Give me a reason!
THERRY: Well I have already given you the reasons.
OLIVIA: Well, for instance, if one feels differently, the interaction is different, um...
THERRY: The feeling is different, the interaction is different, the logic is different, the sensing is different, the overall vibes are different, the clarity of the sight is different, the clarity of the feeling is different; absolutely every single minute part is different. When you look and see the color yellow; colors, for instance, the colors are either going to be more sharp then they are here, or they're going to be less sharp than they are in this reality. Either you're going to be thinking more clear, or you're going to be fogged more. All of these little things, they're all test points.
OLIVIA: All right.
THERRY: It's also possible that within a vision a certain phenomenon would happen, or a person would do something that they just never would do in this phenomenon. Maybe one guy has blond hair in one phenomenon, black hair in another. Various things are inconsistent with other things. There are always many, many many test points. If you yourself don't know when you're happening, or when you're real, or when you're making believe, or when you're just thinking, there's no way you can learn. You have to be able to know the difference between them, based on the input you're receiving.
OLIVIA: Alright, well let me tell you about some of these things, because sometimes they're not very clear. It's not like I suddenly get a clear picture.
THERRY: They don't have to be clear; the fact that there is a difference tells you what is happening. If you're sitting here talking to me, and for no apparent reason the vision in front of you changes, well you know automatically that something is happening. Or if you're sitting there relaxing, meditating, and all of the sudden the reality, the surrounding that you're in is no longer there, you suddenly find yourself in Ancient Egypt, or in Ancient Greece, and because of the differences, you know you're not sleeping, because the state called sleep for you is just not this state, the feelings are different and everything, then obviously you know that there is something different. You're not awake, or at least you are awake, but you're not in this common reality, so you have to be someplace.
THERRY: So there are ways to test your own validity. It's not necessary for you to know which part of time you're in. It's not necessary for you to know which part of space you're in, but it is necessary for you to know the difference if you are in a reality, versus you are in an alter-reality.
OLIVIA: Okay. The ones I've told you about, I feel it's a window I'm looking through; I mean, I haven't actually gone there, but at the same time I feel like I have been there, or like you say, it's all existing at the same time; that's a hard concept for me to understand. But, I am just looking through a window.
THERRY: Okay, but look at it this way: you've had experiences where you have, in fact, been there. And you've had experiences where you've looked into a window, and you've had experiences where you were in a dream state, and you've had experiences where you were in a mind state. You've had those four, because they're automatic on the level of training that you've achieved so far. So now you're beginning to confuse the differences between those four areas, and you need to pay a little closer attention to their differences. Obviously that window is projection.
OLIVIA: Right --
THERRY: When you are there, that's Astration. When you are remembering, then that's what it is, a memory. You also have to bear in mind that memory is multiple; there's emotional memories, there's logical memories, and there's pictorial memories; But the reality of each is different; you have to learn to start paying attention to them. So that when you do have a phenomenon, you can be relatively comfortable with it, because you know where you're at.
OLIVIA: Except for that time, that moment of a lucid dream, you said that that was Astration, I thought to my self_
THERRY: But you didn't need me to tell you --
OLIVIA: But I didn't know! I swear, I did not feel like I was somewhere!
THERRY: You did not need me to tell you that you were at a phenomenon.
OLIVIA: No, I guess I needed to know what it was, though. Whatever kind of phenomenon it was. I knew it wasn't this reality, but --
THERRY: But you knew you were there, the same way, as right now you know you're here. All of your five senses, and your two unknown senses, all tell you you are there, the same way that they tell you you're there in an Astration cycle. True or not true, or is that confusing too?
OLIVIA: No, I guess it's true.
THERRY: See, the thing is, you have to come to pay more attention to that. You have to become more aware of your surroundings. Otherwise, the process of teaching you how to travel will have to stop, because you're just going to get yourself into a whole lot of trouble. If you don't know the difference between reality and make-believe, things will stop real fast. The last thing we need is for you walking off a bridge or walking off a building because you don't know the difference between mind-games and reality.
For all we know you could be going out there walking in front of a car because you don't know the difference --
OLIVIA: Oh, don't be ridiculous.
THERRY: You talk about being ridiculous, but you seem to forget there are thousands and thousands of people who are in the care of psychiatrists, or who are locked up because they do not know the differences within their respective realities. So, it's not a case of being ridiculous, it's a case of being very important; and you also know that if you are not very stable in this reality, there's no way we're going to start teaching you alter-realities, there's just no way, `cause it's too dangerous. Until you know more about being aware of your various realities, we're just going to shut the door on your alter-realities. You have to be more aware of your surroundings, both on a logical level, on a social level, on an emotional level, on a physical level, and on a pictorial level.
OLIVIA: Well, are there exercises I can do to work on this?
THERRY: Yea, when you're having an experience, you take the time to find out how you feel, how you see, what you know.
OLIVIA: All right, if that's the case, if I think about it --
THERRY: You have to learn a language. Right at the moment your problem is you have not applied the proper labels to the phenomenon that make up the illusion. Right at the moment the term real, alter-reality, time cycles, all of that is nothing but meaningless labels to you. And until you learn to put them in their proper perspective, you can't handle alter-realities because you cannot manipulate your data.
OLIVIA: Can you tell me then what this was? I think it was a projection --
THERRY: My telling you what it is would be useless if you cannot tell me what it was you were feeling, the nature of your feeling, the validity of your feeling, the extent of your feeling, the clarity --
OLIVIA: I can tell you some of that --
THERRY: _of your feeling, and the exact same set of information not only on your feeling aspect, but also on your emotional aspects, on your psychological aspects, on your sociological aspects, and on your Maat and your belief-system aspects. You have to have all that together; that's what creates an illusion, be it common reality or alter-reality. You have to be able to tell me how you feel right now --
THERRY: No, that's just one little tiny thing. What makes you think you ain't dreaming right now? What makes you think you're not really in bed dreaming?
OLIVIA: Because of the situation.
THERRY: You're giving me a great big nebulous nothing; (mimics) Because of the situation --you can't manipulate data that way. You have to take this experience and tear it apart in terms of how you are receiving information, what part of you is looking at the information you are receiving, and what it is that you are receiving, how and why. If you can't tell me that because you don't know, then you cannot manipulate your data, and therefore you can recognize nothing. All you go by is a big, nebulous `but I'm feeling, I know this'. Big deal, that doesn't tell you anything. That doesn't tell you the differences between what you're experiencing now as opposed to you experiencing the same thing when you're dreaming. How can you tell the difference? Much less if you're just sitting down thinking what if these things would happen. How can you tell the differences if you don't pay attention to your surroundings? Remember the power of language law? Remember that? Give me the law. Tell me where the power of language is.
OLIVIA: It gets its power not in what you communicate to others, but in how you communicate to yourself.
THERRY: Bingo. So if you can't communicate to yourself the different aspects of the illusion you find yourself in, how can you hope to achieve anything? If you can't tell the difference between the phenomenon that's happening between you and I now, as opposed to a phenomenon that people call day-dreaming, if you can't tell the difference between them, much less tell the difference between a day dream versus a night dream, versus a vision, versus an Astration, versus a, if you can't tell the difference between them, how can you hope to achieve? If you don't learn to pay attention to those differences, then you can't expect Arkashea to teach you how to go to other worlds, It's just not within the order of things. There's a recipe that you have to follow. You have to know yourself, and you have to know the laws of your reality; you just have to. You have to bear in mind that thus far you've been listening, since you've been here, to conversations between the rest of the group, and they've been using various terms such as reality, alter-realities, this reality, that reality, this phenomenon, and all kind of different terms like that, and to you, thus far, all of this nomenclature has been a nebulous nothing. What you need to do is to take all of these terms and give them a relevant definition. Then you'll be able to manipulate your data and therefore come to understand the differences between a daydream, and a day reality. In short, the reason why you're often confused right now is because you don't have the power of language. Okay?
KEENA: You won't talk about dreams, or will you?
THERRY: No, not now.
KEENA: You won't talk about ET?
THERRY: No, not now. I want you to learn a little more first. It's difficult enough dealing with reality, let alone dealing with symbolism.
KEENA: But I thought that when it's occurring at another level, it also affects this level too.
THERRY: It doesn't change what I've said. Right at the moment you're having enough trouble dealing with reality. Last thing you need is to complicate things by starting to decider symbolism within reality.
KEENA: Sometimes I will tend to want to change this reality to another awareness.
THERRY: That's my point exactly.
KEENA: Why is that?
THERRY: You can't do that. It don't work that way. If you expect to gain power over all aspects of yourself, you have to accept the sanctity within each level of reality. Right at the moment you're trying to corrupt reality by making two different levels bleed into one another, and it's not supposed to be that way.
KEENA: I always feel like I don't have enough knowledge; I always want to be able to gain more knowledge, to have more understanding, but I feel like going back to the knowledge before we were interrupted --
KEENA: Is it karmic?
THERRY: It could be both. Isn't that the due process of growing, to learn more, so that you can better change the situation that you're in?
KEENA: I think I wanted to be Einstein.
THERRY: Ah. Okay.
KEENA: Now is that the ego?
THERRY: Perhaps it's really not knowledge that you want; perhaps it's the adoration of others that you want.
KEENA: The what?
THERRY: The adoration of others. So that other people will look at you and say, "Ooh, isn't she great." Excessive ego.