Arkashean Q&A Session -- 117
JOSE: With my situation with my family, it took me a long time to come to an understanding as to why my folks were the way they were because of where they came from and who they came from. I've come to some sort of rationalization as to why they were the way they were; because that's who they were but then I have or had no need for them within their life because of what they are and there's a very strong conflict with what I have or need.
I've found that it was more detrimental to me. In the beginning, when I was a child, I used to blame my father more for anything else because he was very distant and I think if I had to rephrase it, he was more twisted as I grew. As I grew older, I discovered that wasn't so, but I wasn't able to focus that entirely away from him. But I was able to see that my mother in her sickness was just as bad in her own way. But when I tried to present it to the two of them to let them know how it would affect me, it was a big negative and that's where this breach occurred. And I attempted to make amends to that breach a few times.
THERRY: You can't.
JOSE: And you can't. That's what I discovered, you just can't. Because I found in a simple term that they were just not capable of, if you will, of rising to the occasion.
THERRY: Or unwilling.
JOSE: Unwilling. Everything to them was a ghost or it's in my imagination. And it wasn't, because my memory was quite terrific. I go back a long time. And it was never a ghost. It was a very definite image and there was always a reason. I could've been the most miserable son of a bitch kid and I probably was at times. I'm not say that I wasn't deserving of a punishment or whatever. But there were so many things that were never taken care of in my parents background that allowed them to be more understanding and just impatient, that we looked like, "But why the hell did you have five kids?" You know, "What are we here for, if nothing but for your housekeepers and built-in babysitters for the next one that plops in place when time comes?" And they were never home. They were always out working or going away and leaving us to fend for ourselves. So it was a pretty interesting but emotionally scarring kind of background to deal with. So any other family that might be dysfunctional to me was a wonderful family because at least one of the parents were home and they had a so-called, what they had a normal, television-like or my perception was, television-like family. And I know it had a direct result in my deciding not to have children, desire children or whatever and to kind of indulge myself as I got older and not give too much of a damn about it...but some things still bother me. I'll never say that they won't, but that's a point that I have to get to. But I think that I learned a lot out of the lessons. It stabilized me on a human level.
THERRY: What do you think you learned out of it?
JOSE: That no matter what you have to do or what you want to do, they're only a very few possibilities out there and you have to do what is best for you. Because it's only going to do you yourself, the best good, the most good and that's it because you don't have no power over anything but yourself. I believe in that and all this, but I believe in a more simplistic nature, a more simplistic approach.
THERRY: That's good.
JOSE: But I get stuck up in places, like forgiveness.
THERRY: I can understand that. It's kind of difficult to, for the lack of a better word, "turn the other cheek." But it becomes important especially if you would forgive that even if you would forgive, it's not them that you're forgiving...
JOSE: It's myself.
THERRY: Yeah. Because Karma forgives nothing. They're still going to be what they are...
JOSE: Who they are and what they are.
THERRY: And it will repeat itself over and over and over again in their lives. So the only thing that's involved is, when you take a good look at them, ask yourself the question, "Is this what you want for you?"
JOSE: Oh definitely not.
THERRY: Then my suggestion is, learn to forgive pretty damn fast because you're looking at a future script for you.
JOSE: But it'll definitely be in a different lifetime. It won't be in this.
THERRY: Yeah it's a little bit late for you to forgive both your folks. But the pattern will still be there.
JOSE: Yeah, they'll be a different time. 'Cause destiny has taken hold then.
THERRY: If you discover that you can not forgive, then you have, in fact, condemned yourself to tomorrow.
THERRY: Have you ever heard about the Law of the Moment?
JOSE: I think so, but you could repeat it if you wish to.
THERRY: "Each moment, each thought, each deed, each desire, each pain does three things at the same time. First it ratifies the past, second it writes the script for tomorrow and that's the important part. And third, it takes care of the need for the moment."
THERRY: And it's that second one that's the killer. It writes the script for tomorrow.
JOSE: I feel, I can't be quite sure. I feel like I've almost been stuck with the exact same set of parents over the course of time that I've been here. Almost identical to the ones that are...that gave birth from this time.
THERRY: Well, it's sort of...
JOSE: Because the pattern has been so repetitive, they're almost so exact.
THERRY: It sort of fits the law, doesn't it?
THERRY: You become the things you hate and you walk towards the things you fear. What better proof could a person have that law exists?
JOSE: I could give myself a break.
THERRY: Yep, you'll have to become a total narcissist!
JOSE: No, I'm almost there anyway, that's no problem.
JOSE: I'll just indulge myself a little bit better, that's all.
MARK: Spoken like a true narcissist.
JOSE: Uh-hmmm. I'll get another mirror for the house. What amazes me with that, is that, knowing what I know and feeling what I feel, my other siblings have nothing as far as these thoughts or for lack of a better word, an ability.
THERRY: It's easily understandable. The Claim to Uniqueness forbids that there are no duplications.
JOSE: I understand to be out of it ...you know, it's just a very bizarre feeling. It's almost as if...and when I used to mention things I'd be looked at like I was totally off the wall anyway.
THERRY: Take, in the case of twins where they both have the exact same experiences - they're dressed alike, they acted...exactly everything is exactly the same, yet one will be great and the other...
JOSE: Yeah, I've seen that. I've seen that.
THERRY: The Claim to Uniqueness at work.
JOSE: One thing I will say that it did to me, even though it took a long time to acknowledge it, was that it gave me a lot of grammar and vocabulary to spin itself at this point. But it gave me tremendous impetus...I just suddenly took off at a certain time and then that was it.
JOSE: It was almost like saying, eat my shorts and eat my dust.
JOSE: But it's been so repetitive...but inspiring.
THERRY: Oh yeah. Life can be many things. It's always inspiring! Always.
JOSE: But I'm enjoying it more now.
THERRY: That's good. Okay.
JOSE: As I was telling Mandy, I have to forgive myself very quick.
MANDY: You have to?
JOSE: Forgive myself very quick.
JOSE: But I can do that.
SANDY: Why is it so hard? It seems to be this big general thing going around. Why is it so hard for people to forgive themselves? For charity to begin in the home? I mean it's not enough to say well, it's stupid, it's like not using the brain. Truly it's such a widespread thing.
THERRY: All of that hate that people put in the bank has to go somewheres.
SANDY: That's totally different than you think it would be. Humanity has just raised itself on hate.
THERRY: It's got to go some place. So everybody tries to drain off a little bit.
SANDY: Is it because we were pissed off and resentful that we tried the "What, If and But?" It was like...
THERRY: You're asking something that can only be asked on the other side of the Illusion.
PEGGY: Oh, here I go again.
MANDY: This is the hardest thing for me especially when it's to do with parents. Is to get away from that expectation thing. A lot of it...a lot of my anger is that they didn't do something that I expect parents are supposed to do, quote unquote. Those two things are definitely hand in hand, the anger and the resentment, along with the expectation that wasn't met.
THERRY: Yeah, but one of your expectations is false.
MANDY: Is false?
THERRY: Yeah. When you start making the statement that parents are supposed to, that's false.
MANDY: Well, that's what I'm saying. That's what took me so hard to get over. It's just that parents can do what the duck they want and they don't have to act in a certain way. I mean, they can use their Free Will to do what they want which includes beating the shit out of you or deserting you...
JOSE: I think that's the same thing that I was...you know, the Donna Reed Show, Leave it to Beaver that kind of family that we all saw on television.
MANDY: Yeah. It's...
JOSE: But what they don't show that they're all ducking alcoholics and beating the kids when the commercials come on the air!
MANDY: It's really hard to...that was the hardest thing, was to get away from that concept that they did something wrong. They didn't do what they were supposed to do. That was the hardest part.
THERRY: A little bit of projection, huh?
MANDY: A little bit of projection?
THERRY: Yeah. Here you are accusing them of doing something wrong, meanwhile back at the ranch, the only thing that was wrong was you demanding that they do something which they didn't have to do anyway.
MANDY: [Chuckle] I mean, I'm just starting to understand that, but it took a long time.
THERRY: Yeah. Well, at least you're learning it. That's all that matters.
MANDY: That's tough enough.
JOSE: But it's also the inequities of it too. 'Cause you've come to realize that...
MANDY: Yeah, but there are no inequalities. That's part of what I have to accept, you know.
JOSE: Right, that's what I'm saying. You come from a large family, I came from a large family. And you may have felt that you were shafted. One of your other siblings was getting a lot more than you would ever get or whatever.
MANDY: No, it wasn't, but anyway.
JOSE: No, I have that. I certainly had that feeling.
JOSE: Even though in the end I realized that we all got the same amount of shit, it didn't matter. So it's...It's just that I acknowledged it a lot sooner than the other four, the bigger ones.
MANDY: Yeah, but you're right though. The parents is the hardest thing. I can accept it from the world, everybody has the right to do what they want, but not my parents. [Laugh]
THERRY: But you know why?
THERRY: Because you spend so much time absolutely, 100% totally dependent on them.
MANDY: Right, that's true in many ways.
THERRY: So not only is it a power play, but it's a real true, life and death struggle.
MANDY: Hmmm. Well, that makes sense.
THERRY: So then you have habits to fight as well.
MANDY: That makes sense. That's a new slant on it.
PEGGY: You know when we wake up and we don't remember our dreams? They say that you dream every night and sometimes you don't remember, right? Is there a specific reason for not remembering them?
THERRY: Yeah, you have a black night.
PEGGY: You don't dream?
THERRY: Yeah you dream.
PEGGY: What's a black night?
THERRY: A black night is a night where what you do is in no way connected to the affairs of this level and since it has no origin on this level, you can't bring it down to this level. So you have a black night. If you were to place yourself under hypnosis, the only thing you would remember is periodic little things that didn't make any sense.
PEGGY: But then that is to say that some alter-reality experiences are actually on this level?
THERRY: Yeah, but have nothing to do with this level.
PEGGY: But why can you remember those then?
THERRY: Because they have their origins here in reality.
PEGGY: Even though they're alter-realities?
THERRY: Yes, remember it's a fabric. The affairs of reality exist on at the very least, on nine levels at the same time.
GUY: I never remembered my dreams.
MANDY: Well, I've never remembered my dreams.
GUY: I have one dream every six months.
THERRY: Well, you'll learn.
THERRY: You're learning.
SANDY: My dreams have been very floored lately and there's a theme that runs through them where I'm always saving someone from something.
THERRY: Sounds familiar. If you listen to the tapes that we've had. That's what you've been doing for the past two, three days.
SANDY: Oh, I'm it, huh?
PEGGY: Is that...oh I'm sorry. Is that her higher self talking to her?
SANDY: Get off the bus, ghosts! We have new plans here!
THERRY: You can hear the tap dance any minute.
SANDY: The whole chorus line at Minsky's! So, it has nothing to do with others?
SANDY: Interesting role reversal that it comes out in a dream.
THERRY: I would say that the Universe has a pretty good way of doing things, considering it has a little bit more power than we have. And I think it knows more too. Darn it!
SANDY: No, I think that it figures out getting rid of those sexual ones.
MANDY: Somebody said once that all the different characters in the dream are different.
THERRY: Parts of yourself.