Arkashean Q&A Session -- 123
MERLE, SANDY & CO. 4-92
SANDY: Remember what you were saying?
THERRY: We were speaking about the difference between prejudice and bias.
SANDY: Oh, okay. How can I figure out where my cynicism or skepticism is like at a healthy level and not trying to point a finger somewhere else?
THERRY: It requires that you look into your Maat.
SANDY: My Maat? How do I do that?
THERRY: If I had the answer to that question, I'd be a millionaire.
THERRY: I'd put all the psychiatrists in the world out of business.
SANDY: I mean, does that mean look at my motivations?
SANDY: Oh! I think a lot of it is fear-based. A lot of the cynicism it's like I expect the worst-case scenario at all times, so I won't be surprised by it when it happens kinda thing.
THERRY: I don't think so.
SANDY: I'll be less hurt. [Chuckles]
THERRY: I can accept that that's what you believe. But I don't think so. I see it differently. I think you like to play ultimatums.
THERRY: Remember much of your learning is via the devil's advocate and ultimatums is one of the biggest tools of the devil's advocate.
SANDY: Ultimatum, meaning either you do this or I'm going to do that? That's an ultimatum?
THERRY: Or you say this or I'm going to feel that.
SANDY: Oh, so with my feelings, you mean! Oh. It's back to that expectations and demand stuff. Oh my God! [Chuckle] So the fear is that I'm not going to hear what I want to hear? It's not the same as fearing that, you know, since I ...I'm going to hear the worst so I'd better be defended for it? I mean, it's not...it's not a defense at all. It's just...
THERRY: It's a defense.
SANDY: I mean, defense in terms of protecting myself from some harm or something.
THERRY: No. That's only a red herring. It's a ghost.
SANDY: It's not letting go of the past.
THERRY: It goes back to what Cindy was saying a little earlier.
SANDY: With what?
THERRY: How long are going to sit and blame somebody else and when are you going to start accepting the responsibility for your part in what's happening to your future?
THERRY: Right at the moment you're still busy blaming somebody else.
THERRY: It's a cycle.
SANDY: Well, there's blame. It's like MERLE and I were talking today, I mean you have a situation that's simply unfair, like if you have an adult treated as a kid...
THERRY: No such thing, no such thing.
SANDY: No, I don't mean in the scheme of life.
THERRY: If you're going to look at something, you have to look at it in the scheme of life. If you don't, then you're lying to yourself. You can't place proper responsibility unless you look at the whole. Because you don't get all the required information if all you look at is a little tiny part of it. If I say the statement "There is a possibility that the world stinks" and if you want to just want to hear "The world stinks!" you're going to get a totally different image in your mind.
SANDY: Than what you're saying, you mean?
THERRY: Uh-hmmm. So if you look at all of it. Then you get the image there is a possibility that the earth could stink. That's a far cry different from just making the statement, "This world sucks!" And it's the exact same pattern. If you look at it just in the very small specific, then you don't get the full picture, the full meaning, the full value. It's very difficult to place responsibility when you don't look at the whole story.
SANDY: Well no, I look at the whole story. I accept the fact that if I get beaten up as a kid, it's because I beat up a kid at some point somewhere. I mean, I can accept that but still.
THERRY: But you don't apply it to your everyday life.
SANDY: No, it's just that it doesn't stop me from feeling like ...I mean when I was the kid being beat up, it felt really unfair. [Chuckle] And I still had that sense of...
THERRY: But it's not fair. It's equal justice, cause and effect. So, so long as you sit there bitching because it's unfair, you're not going to go anywhere.
SANDY: No, I mean, like I said...
THERRY: What do you mean "No?"
SANDY: I accept the fact that it's fear.
THERRY: What do you mean, "No?"
SANDY: Meaning "No, that's not what I meant."
THERRY: It's what you said and what you say is what really controls your thinking process.
SANDY: It's like, on the one hand, I can say, okay, I must've, you know, it's a payback or something, you know...
THERRY: Yeah, but what good is it if you say it...
SANDY: If I don't feel it.
THERRY: ...but you don't feel it?
SANDY: If I don't feel it. [Chuckle] That's my point! How can I...it's exactly what I was going to say. How can I, I mean, what do I have to do to feel it?
THERRY: Why bother?
SANDY: How can I stop feeling the old...?
THERRY: Why bother? Why insist on feeling pain if you don't have to?
SANDY: Because I...
THERRY: Why can't you just decide to learn synthetically? Why do you insist on having the brick wall fall on you? Perhaps it's because the game that you're in won't let you.
SANDY: But logically it makes sense that it was just and fair that I'm paying off my karma.
THERRY: Yeah but you're not dealing with logic.
SANDY: But still emotionally I feel that it was unfair.
THERRY: You're not dealing with logic. Your emotions will always fight responsibility because you're dealing with the excessive ego. Don't you realize that every time you say it's unfair, what you're really saying, "I shouldn't have to pay for my mistakes."
SANDY: But that doesn't feel like that to me.
THERRY: I know you deny that that's what you're saying that's why. So long as you continue denying the truth of it, then you can continue saying it's not my fault and you can continue feeling that it's not my fault. So, so long as you continue feeling that, what you say doesn't matter.
SANDY: I feel that I accept that it's my fault and that I, you know, deserved it.
THERRY: No, you don't. You simply logically accept it. You don't emotionally...
SANDY: It's still not pleasant though. It's still painful and...
THERRY: Well, only idiots would feel pleasure in realizing that they've erred. And I don't see you as an idiot, so obviously it's not going to feel pleasant. Any individual, who's even got an ounce of a brain, is going to feel remorse at the knowledge that they've made errors. But that shouldn't stop them from growing and changing, just because they feel the sadness of having made errors. You are playing the game that so long as you're feeling that sadness, well then, there's no need to go any further. That's okay if that's the game you want to play.
SANDY: It's hard to feel that it's not unfair, I mean...not even for me, if I'm looking at someone beating up a kid that's like it seems unfair to me.
THERRY: That's because you insist on looking just at a small part of it and you resent having to pay for errors. And that's the key right there. You resent having to pay for your own mistakes. But then you have a Christian influence. The Christian influence says that you don't have to pay for it, he paid for it already. All you have to do is believe. SANDY: But how can you look at something like that and say, "Oh, that's good, somebody's getting their karma back." It's...
THERRY: Why deal with it at all? Simply acknowledge it and allow yourself to grow. You know, it's not the presence or the absence of that thought that matters. What matters is if you want to take that thought and let it become a dysfunction.
SANDY: It's the emotion. Emotionally, it's just like...
THERRY: The emotion is nothing more than the Excessive Ego wanting his own way. It's the little brat that says, "No! I won't!"
SANDY: I want that not to go on in the world.
THERRY: Right. I mean there's a lot of logic of breaking into a school, capturing hundreds of people and holding them hostage and the price to let them go is, you want peace in the world.
THERRY: That's what you're doing.
SANDY: Uhmmm. It's hard to do though, viewing all this stuff!
THERRY: Nobody said it'd be easy.
SANDY: And not feel this is terrible! I mean look at all this stuff going on!
THERRY: Yeah but...see even now the words you use to express your feeling is based upon, "I don't have any part in this but yet I have to suffer it! I didn't have anything to do with creating it this way yet I have to suffer it!
SANDY: I mean, even if I did, it's still hard to look at.
THERRY: That's bullshit! That's bullshit that part. Because it's not valid. The words that you are using is based on, "It was not me!"
THERRY: It's an outside force that is controlling your life, that you have no control over.
SANDY: How do I get past that because intellectually I feel like I understand that. But obviously, emotionally I don't.
THERRY: So that's your answer right there.
SANDY: Does it mean you have to get to the point where you look at what's going on and not be bothered by it?
THERRY: If you're teaching...
SANDY: Does that mean you've accepted it?
THERRY: If you're teaching Tommy about something what happens? What happens? What's the teaching process?
SANDY: You tell him something...
THERRY: Does that mean that he's automatically going to change?
SANDY: No, then he has to...does he understand it and get him to repeat it back to be sure, you know, what he's understanding?
THERRY: Does that mean he's automatically going to change?
THERRY: What else happens then? What is it in him that makes him decide he's going to change?
SANDY: When he wants to or he's ready to.
THERRY: And what is it in him that makes him decide he's ready to?
SANDY: When it suits him.
SANDY: When it suits him?
SANDY: But it doesn't suit me yet?
THERRY: Correct. Now, look at it, why doesn't it suit you? You're not ready to accept responsibility.
SANDY: That's what I thought, why am I not ready to accept responsibility?
THERRY: Well, that's something else. Obviously, you like whatever it is that you're doing, more than what you would be doing if you had changed.
SANDY: It's not 'cause I'm missing some information somewhere...?
THERRY: Alright, let's...
SANDY:...and I don't know how to?
THERRY: Let's talk about the same thing but change the words.
THERRY: You know that every time you smoke you could be giving yourself cancer?
THERRY: Then why do you smoke?
SANDY: 'Cause I'm a self-destructive maniac.
THERRY: Is that why? You like the rewards of it's giving you, right? Now do you see the connection between the two?
THERRY: You know everything that's happening but you don't care. You're more interested in satisfying your urges or your feelings.
SANDY: It's not a case of not knowing how to change? It's not like I'm missing the information...?
THERRY: You know how to change. All you have to do is don't light up! You know how.
SANDY: No, I mean with the other stuff.
THERRY: It's exactly the same pattern. Just choose different words. If one set of words is confusing to you, use a set of words that is not confusing to you, since the pattern is absolutely the same. Do you know how to stop smoking?
THERRY: Why don't you?
SANDY: 'Cause I don't want to.
THERRY: There's your answer.
SANDY: But that's a bad example. Because with the other thing...
THERRY: No, it isn't, it's a perfect example because it's absolute.
SANDY: But with the other one I feel like I want to, you know.
THERRY: Well, you've lied to yourself before.
GUY: Talking about stopping, quitting cigarettes every day.
SANDY: [Chuckle] Ah, shut up!!
THERRY: So I'm sure you've told yourself over and over again, I'm going to stop smoking.
THERRY: So here you're telling yourself, "No, I believe it's responsibility." So what's the difference between the two?
SANDY: Well then how do I get to believe it? How does it become not just words?
THERRY: The same reason as how can you just not light up. Obviously there's a slight confusion between value and price.
GUY: Back to square one!
SANDY: Why don't I want to take responsibility then, that's what it comes down to?
THERRY: Maybe it's the easiest road for you now.
SANDY: Does it mean this is actually easier than something else?
THERRY: And it isn't the presence or absence of easiness, it's the perception of easiness. For instance, if you like the flavor of eating coffee ice cream, what are you going to eat, biscuits?
GUY: Hmmm, she can have both!
THERRY: So if you like the flavor of, "It's not my fault" Obviously if you're going to continue having that flavor, you're planning to continue playing the game. Why you play it is immaterial. That's why the law says, "All games are forever." 'Cause you're going to be in them for however long it takes for you to get enough of them.
SANDY: So I'm just kidding myself feeling that I want to grow and change and learn? I mean, it's not the case at all?
THERRY: Well, I don't know if that's valid or not. It's a possibility.
SANDY: It seems like if I wanted to change, obviously I'd just change, you know.
THERRY: That's true because change is either there or it's not. But it could be that you're trying to get the world's attention about how you want to change. And when you have enough attention, then being center stage, you'll change.
SANDY: [Chuckle] It doesn't feel like I'm looking for attention. About that I mean... I mean I'm a singer and I'm in the public eye but I don't feel like in that area I'm looking for attention. Sympathy maybe! [Chuckle]
THERRY: Is there a difference?
SANDY: I guess not.